i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
