trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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