Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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