Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
