I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
