I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
