He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
