I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
