someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.