I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?