Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
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i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?