Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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