Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
God, I missed his penis.
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