I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
