I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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