I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
