She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
