VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
