Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
