bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Girls should come with a carfax report
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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