Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
