Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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