Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
