Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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