Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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