'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
