So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
