You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
