they need to just BURY HIM!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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