JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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