yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
