You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
