i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
