Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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