I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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