Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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