I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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