Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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