I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you didnt know i had herpes?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
