Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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