Don't make out with my wife yet
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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