got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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