Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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