There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
