I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize