i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
