I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
