We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
