ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
