I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
