do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
high people should be assigned attendants
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
