I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
