:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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