I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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