I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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