): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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