There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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