Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
