I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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