My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
