Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
