That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
