it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
