i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
