hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
