I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
