I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
