Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
