Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
