i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
smell my finger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
