kristin has been a bad kristin
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
