Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
