You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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