i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
