apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
