Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
