hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
