i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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