Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
