I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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