I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
