Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
