everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
