also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
